Saturday, June 26, 2010

Universal Soldier

The Takeaway: Van Damme's ass looks amazing on bluray.

Format: Bluray

As a a kid studying martial arts in the late 80s, early 90s - Van Damme could do no wrong. The man was frickin' incredible. He'd totally kick Segal's tailend from here to next week! Except if he was playing the character he played in Universal Soldier.

Wow. So this doesn't hold up well. I remember thinking this was so badass back in 90s. I mean really - Dolph and Van Damme slamming each other every which way? How could you go wrong? Well - you go wrong when you grow into an adult and realize the film is utter crap! I wish I could steal a time machine from some super secret government organization, find myself at Guilderland High School (probably hiding in some bathroom skipping class), and flick myself in the ear for even thinking of watching the film, having a good memory of it, which then makes me watch it again years later.

I won't call this a bomb. I won't even give it my worst rating. But it is: Reality TV. Um - try and enjoy kiddies. Better yet - if you have fond memories of it - please refrain from ever watching again. Just keep it in the sweet sanctity of your mind's eye.

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